France Football, the magazine that organizes the Ballon d'Or award, announced the 30-player shortlist for the 2023 award on Wednesday evening.
All the usual superstars made the cut. Oh, not you though, Cristiano Ronaldo. It's a new world.
But who will take that fabulous golden ball home? Who needs to clear more space on their mantelpiece?
Here are the 30 nominees and how we, the judgemental folk of 90min, would rank them.
Note: The Ballon d'Or is now awarded based on results and achievements from the 2022/23 season
30. Randal Kolo Muani
Club: Eintracht Frankfurt (transferred to Paris Saint-Germain in September)
Country: France
Notable achievements: 15 goals and 14 assists in 32 Bundesliga games; part of France's World Cup squad that reached final
Fun fact: Can't be ruled out he was named after Steve Buscemi's character from Monsters Inc
Randal, I love your chaos. That's why it was so hard for me to put you dead last.
29. Andre Onana
Club: Inter (transferred to Manchester United in July)
Country: Cameroon
Notable achievements: 8 clean sheets during Inter's run to Champions League final
Fun fact: Described as 'like a holding midfielder' in UEFA's Technical Observers' report for 2022/23 season
Andre Onana's one season at Inter was memorable and so nearly ended in Champions League glory.
Enjoy marshalling Harry Maguire and Jonny Evans, buddy.
28. Josko Gvardiol
Club: RB Leipzig (transferred to Manchester City in August)
Country: Croatia
Notable achievements: Key part of Croatia squad that won bronze at World Cup
Fun fact: Decided against following father's footsteps of becoming a fisherman after just one journey out to sea
We can forgive Josko Gvardiol for being given the comical Roadrunner/Wile E Coyote runaround by Lionel Messi because, well, that's Lionel Messi.
27. Yassine Bounou
Club: Sevilla (transferred to Al Hilal in August)
Country: Morocca
Notable achievements: Player of the Match in Europa League final; key part of Morocco squad that reached semi-finals of World Cup
Fun fact: Was previously eligible to represent Canada
Hold the fort, apparently Yassine 'Bono' Bounou is not the same guy from U2!
Is this mic on?
26. Nicolo Barella
Club: Inter
Country: Italy
Notable achievements: Key part of Inter squad that reached Champions League final; won Coppa Italia and Supercoppa Italiana
Fun fact: Avoided getting trapped in Wetherspoons by deciding against forcing a move to Newcastle
This is Nicolo Barella's second Ballon d'Or nomination. He was unfortunate to finish so far below *checks notes and takes a swig of neat whiskey* Jorginho last time.
25. Kim Min-jae
Club: Napoli (transferred to Bayern Munich in August)
Country: South Korea
Notable achievements: Key part of Napoli squad that won Serie A
Fun fact: The most expensive Asian player of all time by a considerable distance (£50m to £30m)
Imagine if Tottenham Hotspur coughed up the extra £3m it would have taken to sign Kim Min-jae back in 2020. What a strange world that would have been.
24. Emi Martinez
Club: Aston Villa
Country: Argentina
Notable achievements: Key part of Argentina squad that won World Cup
Fun fact: Real name is Damian thanks to a post office error
Emi Martinez probably owes Neal Maupay a beer or two for trying to mercilessly assassinate Bernd Leno.
23. Mohamed Salah
Club: Liverpool
Country: Egypt
Notable achievements: 30 goals and 16 assists in 51 club games
Fun fact: Over a million people are believed to have voted for Salah in Egypt's presidential elections in 2018
Liverpool may have been subpar last season, but that wasn't due to Mohamed Salah dropping the ball.
22. Harry Kane
Club: Tottenham Hotspur (transferred to Bayern Munich in August)
Country: England
Notable achievements: 30 goals in 38 Premier League games
Fun fact: Lining up career in the NFL once his football days are over
Harry Kane's last season for Tottenham saw him drag their sorry arses through the mud while scoring 30 goals in the Premier League alone. He deserved that Bayern Munich move.
21. Luka Modric
Club: Real Madrid
Country: Croatia
Notable achievements: Key part of Croatia squad that won bronze at World Cup; won Copa del Rey, UEFA Super Cup and FIFA Club World Cup
Fun fact: One of only three nominees to have previously won the Ballon d'Or
There's a passing-of-the-torch occurring at Real Madrid right now, but Luka Modric was still brilliant last season.
20. Bukayo Saka
Club: Arsenal
Country: England
Notable achievements: 14 goals and 11 assists in 38 Premier League games; PFA Young Player of the Year
Fun fact: Achieved four A*s and three As in his GCSEs, though he probably won't need to use those qualifications again
Bukayo Saka could probably retire tomorrow and he'd be a generation's favourite Arsenal player into the next decade anyway.
19. Vinicius Junior
Club: Real Madrid
Country: Brazil
Notable achievements: Won Copa del Rey, UEFA Super Cup and FIFA Club World Cup; 23 goals and 11 assists in 55 club games
Fun fact: His favourite film is Karate Kid
On this trajectory (and with the new burden of scoring in a central role), Vinicius Junior could challenge for the Ballon d'Or for years to come.
18. Jude Bellingham
Club: Borussia Dortmund (transferred to Real Madrid in July)
Country: England
Notable achievements: 14 goals and 8 assists in 42 club games
Fun fact: Birmingham City still have his former 22 shirt retired and there's little to suggest that'll change
The 90min slack chat determined that recency bias will probably help Jude Bellingham's case.
17. Karim Benzema
Club: Real Madrid (transferred to Al Ittihad in June)
Country: France
Notable achievements: 31 goals in 43 club games; won Copa del Rey, UEFA Super Cup and FIFA Club World Cup
Fun fact: Once described by MARCA as 'the new Anelka' as an insult
Remember that week where Karim Benzema said he was leaving Real Madrid, then staying, then leaving again? What was that about?
16. Julian Alvarez
Club: Manchester City
Country: Argentina
Notable achievements: Key part of Argentina squad that won World Cup; won Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League with Manchester City
Fun fact: Helped Real Madrid win a youth tournament while on trial aged 11
If the Ballon d'Or was solely about a Venn diagram of winning, Julian Alvarez would top these rankings. Sadly for him, there's more nuance to it.
15. Martin Odegaard
Club: Arsenal
Country: Norway
Notable achievements: 15 goals and 8 assists in 37 Premier League games
Fun fact: His dad had to give permission for Football Manager to use his likeness in the game as a 15-year-old wonderkid
The notable achievements line may be short, but make no mistake - Martin Odegaard was one of the very best players anywhere in football last season.
14. Antoine Griezmann
Club: Atletico Madrid
Country: France
Notable achievements: 15 goals and 17 assists in 38 La Liga games; key part of France squad that reached World Cup final
Fun fact: Has a dance move named after him in France
Who foresaw Antoine Griezmann's late-career renaissance? Don't say you did. You definitely didn't, you liar.
13. Lautaro Martinez
Club: Inter
Country: Argentina
Notable achievements: Won World Cup with Argentina; key part of Inter squad that reached Champions League final; 28 goals and 11 assists in 57 club games
Fun fact: Made his league debut for Racing Club in place of Inter legend Diego Milito
Why Lautaro Martinez played like he plied his trade in the National League South during the World Cup will remain a mystery to all. At least Argentina won the thing.
12. Bernardo Silva
Club: Manchester City
Country: Portugal
Notable achievements: Key part of Manchester City squad that won Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League
Fun fact: Has a pet bulldog named John Stones
The main reason Bernardo Silva isn't higher in this list is I specifically remember a two-month stretch where Riyad Mahrez was the right winger playing like Diego Maradona instead.
11. Jamal Musiala
Club: Bayern Munich
Country: Germany
Notable achievements: Key part of Bayern Munich squad that won Bundesliga; scored title-winning goal in final minutes of season; 12 goals and 13 assists in 33 Bundesliga games
Fun fact: Spent one year in Southampton's academy
This was the most contentious ranking among the 90min crew, so I myself will take responsibility for how high Jamal Musiala finished. Racking up those numbers in such a wild Bayern Munich team before saving them from oblivion in the last minutes of the season? Show him some damn respect.
10. Robert Lewandowski
Club: Barcelona
Country: Poland
Notable achievements: Key part of Barcelona squad that won La Liga and Spanish Super Cup; top scorer in La Liga; 33 goals and 8 assists in 46 club games
Fun fact: Can thank an Icelandic volcanic eruption for not ending up at Blackburn Rovers
Well, Robert Lewandowski went toe-to-toe with Benzema in La Liga and won. Can't really knock it.
9. Khvicha Kvaratskhelia
Club: Napoli
Country: Georgia
Notable achievements: Key part of Napoli squad that won Serie A; 14 goals and 17 assists in 43 club games
Fun fact: Napoli fans have started to name their babies after him
Khvicha Kvaratskhelia is probably the best footballer of all time whose name is mispronounced by 99% of the population.
8. Ruben Dias
Club: Manchester City
Country: Portugal
Notable achievements: Key part of Man City squad that won Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League
Fun fact: Only became a defender because he switched positions at Benfica while the team was losing
Manchester City's formidable attack has taken attention away from just how good Ruben Dias has become nowadays. World's smallest violin, but still.
7. Ilkay Gundogan
Club: Manchester City (transferred to Barcelona in July)
Country: Germany
Notable achievements: Key part of Manchester City squad that won Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League; scored winning brace in FA Cup final
Fun fact: Cousin to Turkish volleyball star Naz Aydemir
Few players have improved their long-term reputation with such a flurry of unexpected goals than Ilkay Gundogan over recent years.
6. Victor Osimhen
Club: Napoli
Country: Nigeria
Notable achievements: Key part of Napoli squad that won Serie A; top scorer in Serie A; 31 goals and 5 assists in 39 club games
Fun fact: First African to win the Capocannoniere
With Barcelona's Asisat Oshoala nominated for the Ballon d'Or Feminin, Nigeria can boast becoming the first African nation to have a player on both shortlists in the same year.
5. Rodri
Club: Manchester City
Country: Spain
Notable achievements: Key part of Manchester City squad that won Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League; scored winning goal in Champions League final
Fun fact: Bonded closely with Lucas and Theo Hernandez to the point they were like family as children
The trolls of Twitter used to nickname him 'Plodri'. It's long been retired.
4. Kevin De Bruyne
Club: Manchester City
Country: Belgium
Notable achievements: Key part of Manchester City squad that won Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League; 10 goals and 31 assists in 39 club games; Premier League Playmaker award
Fun fact: Was eligible to play for Burundi before choosing Belgium
The downside of Kevin De Bruyne playing behind a super clinical striker is that it takes the attention further away from him. What a scam.
3. Kylian Mbappe
Club: Paris Saint-Germain
Country: France
Notable achievements: Key part of France squad that reached World Cup final; World Cup Golden Boot; key part of Paris Saint-Germain squad that won Ligue 1; top scorer in Ligue 1; 41 goals and 10 assists in 43 club games
Fun fact: Fluent in English and Spanish despite never living in those countries (go wild, Liverpool and Real Madrid fans)
A quick office poll this week saw around 80% vote Kylian Mbappe as the best player in the world. Unfortunately for him, that's not the be-all-and-end-all of this award.
2. Erling Haaland
Club: Manchester City
Country: Norway
Notable achievements: Key part of Manchester City squad that won Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League; winner of Premier League Player, Premier League Young Player, FWA Footballer and PFA Players' Player of the Year awards; top scorer in Premier League; winner of European Golden Shoe; 52 goals and 9 assists in 53 club games
Fun fact: Sets the Champions League anthem as his alarm
If Erling Haaland wins the Ballon d'Or, it won't be undeserved. There's just a small thing (man) standing in his way.
1. Lionel Messi
Club: Paris Saint-Germain (transferred to Inter Miami in July)
Country: Argentina
Notable achievements: Key part of Argentina squad that won World Cup; World Cup Golden Ball; scored brace in World Cup final; key part of Paris Saint-Germain squad that won Ligue 1; 21 goals and 20 assists in 41 club games
Fun fact: Everything there is to know about him is out in the open, what do you want from me?
Based on PSG's flame-out season, Lionel Messi doesn't deserve to win the Ballon d'Or. But hey, the World Cup.
